One Month Into Hawaii

Written By Jessalin Lam

Welcome to Becoming Aloha.

My family and I moved to Hawai’i on April 1, 2026. A month later, after finally settling in a bit, I shared the news publicly on LinkedIn. And I realized something important during this transition: I want to remember this season of life to capture the becoming, uncomfortable and beautiful moments, growth, uncertainty, and everyday lessons shaping who we are becoming as a family. This will be a reflection space about growth mindset, intentional living, motherhood, slowing down, and learning a different way of being.

What “Aloha” Means 

Before moving here, I understood aloha as love, kindness and warmth. Now I’m learning that it is so much deeper than that.

Aloha is a way of being rooted in presence, compassion, patience, humility, connection, and respect for people and the land. The aloha spirit changes how people move through the world and you feel it in small moments every day.

Some example are that people wave you into traffic when changing lanes, conversations slow down, and there is less urgency and more humanity. As someone who lived in New York my entire life, that shift has been both healing and confronting. We’re in this space of unlearning some things we no longer want and slowing down. We chose Hawai'i because of the nature, sunshine, slower pace, aloha spirit, access to Asian food and community, and being intentional with the life we are  creating together as we raise our daughter.  
“Aloha” is a way of being that means love, compassion, presence, kindness, mutual respect, connection, peace, and deep care for people and the land. When you separate it, “alo” means presence and “ha” means breathe translating to a breathe of life together (Source: Robert Hawaiis).
The aloha spirit is about how you move through the world and how you treat others, yourself, and the environment around you. The Hawaii State government also created an Aloha Spirit Law to mandate respect and compassion and the aloha spirit includes the below philosophy for Hawaiian values: (Source: BBC)
  • Akahai, meaning kindness to be expressed with tenderness;
  • Lōkahi, meaning unity, to be expressed with harmony;
  • ʻOluʻolu, meaning agreeable, to be expressed with pleasantness;
  • Haʻahaʻa, meaning humility, to be expressed with modesty
  • Ahonui, meaning patience, to be expressed with perseverance.

Learning to Slow Down

My nervous system was trained for urgency for productivity to mean back-to-back meetings, always "on" and feeling like resting needed to be earned. Hawai’i has been teaching me something different that this slower pace is space to think, breathe, heal, and notice how disconnected I had become from myself. I’m realizing growth does not always look like doing more.
Sometimes growth looks like:
  • choosing differently
  • protecting your peace
  • calming your nervous system
  • redefining success
  • allowing rest without guilt
That unlearning process has been harder than I expected.

Grieving While Growing

One thing people do not talk enough about is that even positive change can carry grief. A former therapist once told me that grief happens anytime something changes and I think about that often lately.
We are grieving older versions of ourselves while simultaneously building a new life. On paper, we had the kind of life society tells you to want:
  • six figure jobs
  • a large home
  • constant productivity
  • career success
Internally, something felt disconnected for us and we kept asking ourselves if we stopped waiting for “someday” to create the life we actually wanted? This move took years of conversations, planning, and courage. Even now, it still feels surreal that we actually made the leap. I am grateful for my husband in how we are figuring it out together and knowing that growth comes with emotional adjustments. Healing is not instant just because your scenery changes. We are still learning how to grieve and grow at the same time.

Family, Transition & Resilience

This transition has stretched us in ways we did not fully anticipate. We moved with a toddler, downsized our life dramatically, and arrived with four suitcases while waiting for our cars to ship across the ocean. Some days felt exciting and peaceful and other days were exhausting and lonely. Most days felt like all of those emotions at once.

We are learning new routines, new environments, and new versions of ourselves while parenting through it all. I’m learning that resilience is not about pretending everything is easy. It’s about staying present through the uncertainty and the ebbs and flow of life. 
I often think about how to teach our daughter about resilience and this is it by living through it together with her to show her how we do it together.

Wins From Our First Month

🌺 Life Setup

  • Moved into our Hawai’i home 
  • Got our Hawai’i driver’s licenses
  • Opened local bank accounts
  • Found local doctors, therapists, and support systems

👨‍👩‍👧 Family Milestones

  • Summer started a new school
  • We had our first neighborhood playdate

💼 Work & Business

  • Will started a new job (so proud of him!) 
  • I officially launched Transform & Thrive LLC in Hawai’i

🤝 Community & Connection

🌴 Living the Aloha Life

  • Attended Waikiki Spam Jam
  • Started exploring local traditions and experiences together as a family

The Moments That Stretch You

There have also been moments that tested me emotionally in ways I did not expect like driving on highways regularly for the first time, navigating logistics with a toddler, and adjusting to humidity and a completely different pace of life.
One morning, I forgot to give Summer her seizure medication before school and when Will asked if she had her medicine, I panicked internally while trying to stay calm externally. After dropping her off school, I drove back home through traffic to pick up the medication, and returned to school. And somehow, I stayed grounded through it while the old version of me would have likely spiraled and not be as calm. 
That moment reminded me that:

Growth mindset is not about never struggling, it's realizing you can handle hard moments differently than before.

What I’m Learning

This season is teaching me:
  • slowing down can be healing
  • presence matters more than productivity
  • growth is not linear
  • community takes time
  • peace and uncertainty can coexist
  • becoming requires patience
Most importantly, I’m learning that building an intentional life is less about perfection and more about alignment.

Journal Prompt

What experience in your life is stretching you right now, and what might it be trying to teach you?

Jessalin Lam